And she spanked them all soundly and sent them to bed
Poor old Mother Hubbard, I think I know what happened inside the shoe that day. It was probably the week before Christmas and her however many children had transformed into the devil's spawn what with all the sugar stolen in bite sized morsels from the gingerbread house and the break in routine from not going to school. They were all crammed into that little tiny shoe since it was raining out. Old Mother Hubbard's four year old was probably the worst. Let's call her, say... Fiona, that's a nice name. Old Mother Hubbard's daughter Fiona probably started the day off in a complete snit because Old Mother Hubbard turned the TV off before Dragon Tales was over. Old Mother Hubbard had a fun day planned at the children's museum so she asked Fiona to get dressed and eat breakfast. Well, Fiona did NOT WANT TO EAT BREAKFAST! She DID NOT WANT TO GET DRESSED! She DID NOT WANT TO BRUSH HER HAIR! She did want to make mean faces at her mother and squeeze the baby until she cried (under the guise of "hugging her").
When Old Mother Hubbard found a napkin filled with Fiona's dinner from the night before she asked Fiona if she had eaten her dinner or put it into the napkin. Fiona said something like, "No Mother Hubbard, it wasn't me. Uh uh. Not me, I didn't do it. No way. " Then Old Mother Hubbard realized her four year old knew how to lie and lie with a straight face. Old Mother Hubbard played the Santa card and Fiona caved. After a brief visit to the naughty chair, they finally climbed out of the shoe and headed off to the children's museum where they met some friends and had fun and laughed and played and ran around and had a lovely time.
Those clever bastards at the children's museum made Old Mother Hubbard and Fiona (and all the rest of the children, however many there were) exit through the store where Fiona saw all the delicious candy on display. Fiona really wanted some candy, but Old Mother Hubbard was a mean, vicious old woman and would not allow her to eat candy before lunch. Fiona cried and cried and cried and cried, because Old Mother Hubbard was such a cruel mommy. She told Old Mother Hubbard that she didn't like her one bit and that Old Mother Hubbard wasn't her mommy any more. Old Mother Hubbard was sad for a while, mostly because she had recently discovered that the circus was no longer allowed to buy children.
Old Mother Hubbard, Fiona, the other shoe children (let's just call these collective children "Amelia" from now on, it makes the story telling easier), and their friends all went to McDonalds because Old Mother Hubbard and the other mommy did not want to make lunch. Amelia decided that she did NOT WANT TO EAT LUNCH. And she DID NOT WANT TO SIT IN THE HIGH CHAIR. And she DID NOT WANT TO SIT ON MOMMY'S LAP. And most of all SHE DID NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING BUT LEAVE MCDONALDS RIGHT THAT INSTANT. So Old Mother Hubbard tried to get Fiona to come down from the playground maze so they could leave McDonalds right that instant, but Fiona was mad mad MAD because she had been crawling around that maze for quite a while and still couldn't find the right way to the slide. So Fiona screamed and screamed and screamed. Old Mother Hubbard thought her head was going to pop right off in McDonalds which would have been quite messy and a little traumatizing to the other customers.
They all rode home in sullen silence until Fiona decided that she was going to take off her shoes and socks and throw them around the car which is not acceptable behavior in Old Mother Hubbards eyes. She informed Fiona that she would be marching straight upstairs to take a nap when they got back to the shoe and Fiona said, "NO! I'm not taking a nap because I'M NOT TIRED!" and glared at Old Mother Hubbard with her special stink face especially reserved for her mother. Old Mother Hubbard was DONE with the sassy mouth and the sassy face and told Fiona to cut it out. They got back home to the Shoe and Fiona started to scream at her mother that she was NOT going to take a nap and she was NOT going to listen to her mother and she was NOT going to do anything that Old Mother Hubbard wanted. So, Old Mother Hubbard gave her a spank on her bottom and put her to bed.
Poor Old Mother Hubbard. She didn't even believe in spanking before she had children.
At least, that's how I imagine it might have happened.
When Old Mother Hubbard found a napkin filled with Fiona's dinner from the night before she asked Fiona if she had eaten her dinner or put it into the napkin. Fiona said something like, "No Mother Hubbard, it wasn't me. Uh uh. Not me, I didn't do it. No way. " Then Old Mother Hubbard realized her four year old knew how to lie and lie with a straight face. Old Mother Hubbard played the Santa card and Fiona caved. After a brief visit to the naughty chair, they finally climbed out of the shoe and headed off to the children's museum where they met some friends and had fun and laughed and played and ran around and had a lovely time.
Those clever bastards at the children's museum made Old Mother Hubbard and Fiona (and all the rest of the children, however many there were) exit through the store where Fiona saw all the delicious candy on display. Fiona really wanted some candy, but Old Mother Hubbard was a mean, vicious old woman and would not allow her to eat candy before lunch. Fiona cried and cried and cried and cried, because Old Mother Hubbard was such a cruel mommy. She told Old Mother Hubbard that she didn't like her one bit and that Old Mother Hubbard wasn't her mommy any more. Old Mother Hubbard was sad for a while, mostly because she had recently discovered that the circus was no longer allowed to buy children.
Old Mother Hubbard, Fiona, the other shoe children (let's just call these collective children "Amelia" from now on, it makes the story telling easier), and their friends all went to McDonalds because Old Mother Hubbard and the other mommy did not want to make lunch. Amelia decided that she did NOT WANT TO EAT LUNCH. And she DID NOT WANT TO SIT IN THE HIGH CHAIR. And she DID NOT WANT TO SIT ON MOMMY'S LAP. And most of all SHE DID NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING BUT LEAVE MCDONALDS RIGHT THAT INSTANT. So Old Mother Hubbard tried to get Fiona to come down from the playground maze so they could leave McDonalds right that instant, but Fiona was mad mad MAD because she had been crawling around that maze for quite a while and still couldn't find the right way to the slide. So Fiona screamed and screamed and screamed. Old Mother Hubbard thought her head was going to pop right off in McDonalds which would have been quite messy and a little traumatizing to the other customers.
They all rode home in sullen silence until Fiona decided that she was going to take off her shoes and socks and throw them around the car which is not acceptable behavior in Old Mother Hubbards eyes. She informed Fiona that she would be marching straight upstairs to take a nap when they got back to the shoe and Fiona said, "NO! I'm not taking a nap because I'M NOT TIRED!" and glared at Old Mother Hubbard with her special stink face especially reserved for her mother. Old Mother Hubbard was DONE with the sassy mouth and the sassy face and told Fiona to cut it out. They got back home to the Shoe and Fiona started to scream at her mother that she was NOT going to take a nap and she was NOT going to listen to her mother and she was NOT going to do anything that Old Mother Hubbard wanted. So, Old Mother Hubbard gave her a spank on her bottom and put her to bed.
Poor Old Mother Hubbard. She didn't even believe in spanking before she had children.
At least, that's how I imagine it might have happened.
<< Home