Things that disturb me
1. This disgusting new cereal. 75% less sugar they say! Sweetened by Splenda. Maybe you can make it glow in the dark too! I bet the kids would love that. Who cares about the artificial colors and sweeteners, as long as they're eating, right? Maybe I'll get this cereal for Fiona and serve it with some Diet Coke. That doesn't have any sugar either!
2. The Rainbow Fish. Come on, you say, that's a sweet kid's book. What could possibly be wrong with that? Reading this story to Fiona is like reading a Good Conformists handbook. The only way the Rainbow Fish can be happy and accepted by the other fish is to give away all his sparkly scales, the one thing that makes him special. Don't be unique! Don't make the other fish jealous! You'll be shunned and everyone will talk about you behind your back. If you can just be exactly like everyone else you'll be happy and have lots of friends.
3. Alien vs. Predator. Yes, don't laugh at me, I saw this in the theaters. Why make a movie for fanboys who are sure to have all of the mythology and backstory of the previous movies memorized and then just change it at will? I mean really, do you think we would forget the gestational period of an alien once it enters a host body? Why alienate the only audience you're going to get? (Alienate! Hah!)
4. Spiders.
5. Bush's post-convention bounce. Has the world gone mad? (I know Kelley, I know Dad, you just shush.)
6. My complete inability to get off my lazy butt and weed the yard. What is wrong with me? I have procrastinated and procrastinated and procrastinated. Do you think that maybe it will snow in the next month or so and that will just kill the weeds? Don't weeds make good mulch or something? Shouldn't Andre have to do all the weeding since I do the laundry?
7. People who can't loosen up, take a few risks, and enjoy raw cookie dough. Do they not know how delicious it is? Raw eggs or no raw eggs, cookie dough is the perfect food.
8. Geoduck clams.
9. Britney and Kevin. Please, please Britney. Get a prenup.
10. Prince William [images deleted because I kept getting hits from people looking for his picture and I felt mean bashing him to the people who wanted to see if he was still cute - he's not]. What happened to my beautiful fake boyfriend? He used to be so scrumptious. I told Andre on our honeymoon in London that there was always the possibility that I'd have to leave him in order to marry Wills (if we met by accident in the streets of London and then he just happened to invite me back to the palace and the queen really liked me and we fell deeply in love and the age difference thing was OK because true love conquers all). Don't worry anymore, Andre, I'm over him.
2. The Rainbow Fish. Come on, you say, that's a sweet kid's book. What could possibly be wrong with that? Reading this story to Fiona is like reading a Good Conformists handbook. The only way the Rainbow Fish can be happy and accepted by the other fish is to give away all his sparkly scales, the one thing that makes him special. Don't be unique! Don't make the other fish jealous! You'll be shunned and everyone will talk about you behind your back. If you can just be exactly like everyone else you'll be happy and have lots of friends.
3. Alien vs. Predator. Yes, don't laugh at me, I saw this in the theaters. Why make a movie for fanboys who are sure to have all of the mythology and backstory of the previous movies memorized and then just change it at will? I mean really, do you think we would forget the gestational period of an alien once it enters a host body? Why alienate the only audience you're going to get? (Alienate! Hah!)
4. Spiders.
5. Bush's post-convention bounce. Has the world gone mad? (I know Kelley, I know Dad, you just shush.)
6. My complete inability to get off my lazy butt and weed the yard. What is wrong with me? I have procrastinated and procrastinated and procrastinated. Do you think that maybe it will snow in the next month or so and that will just kill the weeds? Don't weeds make good mulch or something? Shouldn't Andre have to do all the weeding since I do the laundry?
7. People who can't loosen up, take a few risks, and enjoy raw cookie dough. Do they not know how delicious it is? Raw eggs or no raw eggs, cookie dough is the perfect food.
8. Geoduck clams.
9. Britney and Kevin. Please, please Britney. Get a prenup.
10. Prince William [images deleted because I kept getting hits from people looking for his picture and I felt mean bashing him to the people who wanted to see if he was still cute - he's not]. What happened to my beautiful fake boyfriend? He used to be so scrumptious. I told Andre on our honeymoon in London that there was always the possibility that I'd have to leave him in order to marry Wills (if we met by accident in the streets of London and then he just happened to invite me back to the palace and the queen really liked me and we fell deeply in love and the age difference thing was OK because true love conquers all). Don't worry anymore, Andre, I'm over him.
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